You're Not Alone
by m-j98
Summary: Sam found a new way to handle his problems. Neither John nor Dean do something til it's almost too late. (Sam's 14 and Dean is 18 years old. WARNING: SELF-HARM)
1. Chapter 1

_I gotta say English isn't my first language I just learn it at school ;D I just wanted to try to translate my story :) So if anything is wrong (and I'm sure there is) I'm really sorry ;) (This is the original story: .de/s/51d83da3000326581e6cf049/1/You-039-re-Not-Al one_ )

In the afternoon Sam came home from school. Dean was still working and John was researching about about their new case in the library. Sam trew his bag an his jacket in the corner of his room and flopped himself in his bed. Sam thought about the morning and moaned. He thought about how he was pushed around by the stronger and older boys from his class. How they stole his money. They do this for about two weeks. Sam could have fought back but he just didn't want to be the freak once. Who has to be alone in the recess 'cause no one wants to be with him. Sam lifted his t-shirt and saw the big bruise. They hit him. Again. He wondered how long he could keep it from John, and even Dean. Dean who always wanted to protect his little Sammy from everything. Sam moaned again and got up. The mere thought of how the boys from his class Jim, Eric and Chris always insult, hit an tease him, caused him to despair. "Dean wouldn't have let others do that to himself", Sam thought aloud. He thought about telling Dean but changed his mind. He didn't want to look like a loser and his Dad wouldn't have listend to him anyway. Sam grasped in the drawer of his nightstand and took his jackknife out. He went to the bathroom and locked the door in case Dean or John would get home. Sam flipped his knife open and put it to his forearm. The pain and the blood he saw calmed him down. The first time that day Sam relaxed.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to everyone who read my story. I really appreciate that :) Here is chapter 2. It's a bit longer than the first one. Enjoy ;D_

Dean came home from work when he realized Sam wasn't sitting at the table to do his homework. He couldn't see him anywhere else either. "Sam?", he called. No answer. "Sammy, you there?" Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Sam came out of the bathroom. "Dean ... what are you doing here?", Sam asked surprised. "Nice to see you too, little brother", Dean answered with dry sarcasm. "And how was school?" "As always", answered Sam briefly. "And what is 'As always'? You never talk about school!", Dean said a little upset. "There is nothing to talk about! Stop asking!" Sam replied loudly. "What's going on with you, Sammy?", Dean asked, surprised at Sams sudden outburst. "Everything ok?" "And don't call me Sammy, it's Sam!" Sam yelled and ran into his and Deans room. Dean ran after him and wanted to open the door but Sam locked it already. "Shit!" he cursed under his breath. "Come on Sam, open the door! What's wrong? Any problems at school?", Dean wanted to know. "Sammy, you can talk to me about everything, you know that, right?" Sam didn't answer. No 'Don't call me Sammy', nothing at all. Dean considered to kick in the door but changed his mind. He took his picklock and cracked the lock. When Dean opened the door he had to find the room empty. Sam was gone. The window was open and Dean knew Sam ran off.

Sam was on the way to the park 'cause that was his favorite place in town besides the library but his Dad was probably still researching. He went to the park when his stomach began to growl. Right, you haven't eaten anything at lunch, Sam thought. He wanted to buy something but then he remembered he doesn't have any money. "Damn!", Sam whispered and sat down on an park bench. The park was beautiful, it had a litte lake and nice green meadows and trees. Sam saw loving couples walk through the park, dogs play in the meadow and little kids who tried to catch each other. Sam thought about the morning again and sighed.

_Sam walked along the hallway and wanted to turn the corner when suddenly Jim, Eric and Chris shoved him against the wall. "So, Winchester, you know how this will end. Give me your money!", Jim said. "No", Sam replied whereas he tried to sound more confident than he actully was. "You do know that's pointless, don't you?", Jim said a little angry. "Give me your money!" "No!", Sam said a little louder than before. Jim was about to hit him when suddenly Ms Montgomery, their class teacher, stood behind them. "What's going on here?" she asked although she seemed to know what was going on. "We just asked Sam if he could lend us some money", Jim answered innocently. "Is that true, Sam?", she asked him worriedly. "Yeah ... Yeah that's true", Sam answered sheepishly. He didn't even had the courage to look her in the eyes in case she could see he lied. Ms Montgomery looked at the for boy and said: "Ok, you should go now the recess is almost over." "Yes Ms Montgomery", Jim, Eric and Chris said in unison and left. Sam was about to leave when Ms Montgomery said: "You know that you can come and talk to me, right Sam?" "Yes Ma'am, I know", answered Sam and still didn't look at his teacher. "Alright, you can go now Sam", she said finally. Sam left and Ms Montomery watched him til she walked away. The rest of the day was pretty normal but on the way home he was delayed by Jim, Eric and Chris. "There he is, the little Sam", Jim said chuckling. Suddenly he punshed Sam in the stomach. Sam groaned and got to his knees. Now Eric and Chris held him down and examined him. Probably for my money, Sam thought. When the three boys found the money they released Sam and left. He sat up and went home in the hope Dean or his Dad wouldn't be home just yet._

Dean wrote a note just in case Sam would come back. He called John and went to the park 'cause he knew Sam liked being there. Dean just turned into the park, when he saw his Dad was coming. "What happend now?", John asked slightly annoyed, but probably worried too, Dean wasn't sure. "I just wanted to talk to him about school but then he got angry and went in our room. Well, and now he's gone." "Ok, let's look for Sam", John said and the two of them went in the park.

Sam was alredy on his way home 'cause he was incredibly hungry and since he had no money left, he had to go home to eat. When he opened the door he noticed that no one was there. Then he found the note on the table in Dean's handwriting.

_Hey Sam,_

_I went to the park to look for you. I called Dad and he helps me. Stay there if you read this._

_Dean_

Sam sighed and rose. He went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Then he noticed the big sharp knives. He stared at them when suddenly the front door was unlocked. Sam drank a gulp of the water and went into the living room. He tried to prepare what would come next.

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	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3! Here we go :)_

When Sam came into the living room Dean and John looked surprised at Sam. They hadn't expected to see him here. John seemed to be a bit mad but Dean appeared worried. "Where have you been?", John asked and tried to hold back his feelings. "Outside", Sam answered distant. "Outside!? That's it?", Dean asked upset, but calmed down fast. "Sam ... I was worried about you. What's going on with you?" "Nothing", Sam said detached. "Dean, leave it alone. He's in puberty, if he doesn't want to talk about his so called 'problems' then let him", John said an sat down at the table. That was too much for Sam. "Just leave me alone!", he yelled and ran into the bathroom. "Great!", Dean said and ran after Sam. Of course Sam locked the door already. "Sammy please, open the door. Talk to me!" Suddenly Dean heard a click. Sam unlocked the door. Dean came in and saw Sam sitting on the floor. He had his head turned away and stared at the wall. "You wanna talk about it?", Dean asked carefully. Sam shrugged. Dean sat down next to Sam when he saw that Sam tried to hide his left arm. "What's wrong with your arm, Sammy?", Dean asked worried when he tried to look at Sam's arm.

"N-Nothing ..."

"Don't lie to me, Sammy."

"I ..." Sam didn't know what to say. "Sammy, show me your arm!", Dean ordered. He took Sams arm and gasped. He saw the scars that reached his wrist ad the relative fresh wounds on his forearm.

"What is this?", Dean asked horrified. Sam didn't answer. "Sam ...", Dean started again but Sam interrupted him. "You know what this is, Dean!", Sam said, and Dean knew Sam was close to tears. "How ... How long are you doing this?", Dean wanted to know. "Almost two weeks", Sam murmured. Dean knew what that meant: Sam has problems in school. He asked Sam what's going on in school an this time, Sam told him everything. That the boys tease him, steal from him, hit him and that they get him down. "Please don't tell Dad, he ... You knoe how he is", Sam said and looked pleading at him. Dean saw that a few tears rolled down Sams cheeks. He couldn't help it, he had to hug Sam. Sam was a bit shocked but hugged him back. When they released each other from the hug Sam saw that Dean had tears in his eyes. "Please don't do that ever again, Sammy" Dean whispered and Sam nodded. And he meant it. He felt better now he told Dean everything. Dean and Sam stood up and left the bathroom together.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry it took so long but I have been very busy this week. I'm also very sorry that these chapters are very short but this was my first story so I was kind of __unexperienced_. _Anyway, here's the next chapter :)_

John saw Dean and Sam coming out of the bathroom together. "You calmed down now?", John asked, as he looked up from the gun he cleaned. "Just go to our room, I resolve it with Dad", Dean whispered to Sam and Sam went into their room. "Was that really necessary?", Dean asked annoyed. "What did you two talk about so long?" John asked a counterquestion, while he turned towards the gun again. Dean didn't know what to say. "Um ... Well, about his problems at school and stuff ...", Dean stammered. "And what exactly about?" John asked and looked at Dean urgently. "Well ... his grades he didn't find any friends yet", Dean lied. He hates to lie to his father but he promised Sam not to tell their father what's going on. He didn't say "I promise" but he meant it and Sam knew it. After all they understand each other non-verbal. "I'll check on Sam", Dean said an stood up. "We have to finish the case later", John yelled. Dean went into their room when he saw Sam lying on his bed, eating a chocolate bar. "Hey, is that mine?", Dean asked when he saw that the zipper of his backpack was open. "Yeah, I was hungry but I hadn't any food and you didn't eat it so ...", Sam said and looked   
apologetically at Dean. "It's okay bur what would you think if I would drive you to school tomorrow?", Dean asked. "And then? You wanna threaten them and tell the boys to stop, or what?", Sam asked and nibbled at the chocolate bar. "I will just get across them that they can't treat you like that", Dean said and looked serious at Sam. "Yeah but you mean with "get across them" "I beat them to a pulp". You think I don't know that?", Sam answered. Dean smirked. "I promise, I won't hit them", Dean promised. "I hope so", Sam said. "I'm gonna do my homework now, okay?" "Sure." Dean looked at his watch. "But dinner is ready in one hour."

The mood at dinner was tense and Sam and John didn't speak with each other. For Dean it was unbearable. Seeing that the people who mean so much to him, completely ignored each other. He didn't even try to make them talk, 'cause he knew he wouldn't do anyone a favor but himself. After dinner Sam went straight to bed after he wished Dean good luck for the hunt.

When Sam woke up the next morning he noticed Dean wasn't in his bed. He got up and wanted to look for Dean in their motel room. Sam was on his way to the living room when suddenly the bathroom door opened and Dean came out. "Hey, Sammy, you awake already!", Dean said who looked like he came from the shower. "Yeah ... but why are you awake already, you usually sleep still", Sam said a bit surprised. "Yeah, but I wanted to drive you to school today", Dean replied. Sam sighed. "And how did the hunt go?", Sam asked while he got himself something to drink. "Everything went fine, the spirit is toast", Dean said with a grin. "Literally." "Of course", Sam answered and smiled. Suddenly he was serious again. "Where's Dad?" "Still sleeping", Dean answered. "Ok, I get ready for school", Sam said and went into the bathroom.

When Sam and Dean were on their way to school, Sam was surprisingly quiet. "Everything ok?", Dean asked worried. "Yeah, yeah ... everything's ok", Sam said, but didn't look Dean in the eyes. "Hey, everything is gonna be fine. Trust me", Dean said encouraging. Now Sam looked at him. "Yeah, okay." When they came to the schoolyard, they both got out of the car. "And where are these guys?", Dean asked Sam, while he looked around the school yard. "Over there", Sam said and pointed to a tree. "Ok, maybe you should go inside", Dean said but didn't look at his brother. "Keep in mind what you promised me", Sam answered and look at his brother sternly.

"Yeah, don't worry, Sammy."

Sam left and Dean waited until he was in the school. When he couldn't see Sam anymore, he made his way to the three boys Sam showed him. Jim saw Dean approach and was surprised. He didn't know this young man but he was positive that he went to them.

"Hey, are you Jim, Eric and Chris?"

"Who wants to know that?", Jim asked. "You don't know me but you know Sam", Dean said still pretty cool. "And I know you're doing to him."

"I think I don't understand ..."

Dean seized Jim by the collar and pushed him to the tree. "I think you understand. You and your friend leave Sam alone as of now, you got that!", Dean said quiet but angry in a voice that tolerated no dissent. Jim and the others nodded and Dean released Jim. "I hope you mean it", Dean said and went to his car.

Sam walked along the hall and wondered if it was a good idea to leave Dean with the three boys alone. He sighed and stopped at his locker. Sam took his books and and went to his classroom. He had no idea what would happen later.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_So, here's the next chapter ;D Enjoy_

Jim, Eric and Chris were late for class and Sam knew why. Sometimes they watched him in class but Sam didn't notice. After the lesson Sam went straight in the next classroom. When he came in someone pushed him and he dropped his books. The whole class started laughing. Suddenly Sam sah Jim standing in front of him. He felt awful. Everything that happened flashed through his mind. Then he was brought back to reality. "It was really stupid to put your freaky friend onto us", Jim said and looked Dam straight in the eyes. _Dean_, Sam thought but didn't answer Jim. When Sam wanted to pick up his books Jim kicked them away. "What the hell was that for?", Sam asked and regretted it. Jim collared him and pulled him up. Then he pushed him against the wall and placed himself in front of him. "Leave me alone", Sam whispered. "Forget it! You're really stupid if you think we would let you get away with that", Jim said quietly but menacing. Sam looked around but no one wanted to help him. Either they looked away or they just stood there and didn't do anything. Suddenly Jom pressed his arm at Sams throat and pressed him further against the wall. It was harder for Sam to get enough air into his lungs and tried to pull Jim's arm away. Jim pressed even harder. Then Sam heard a voice. "Hey, stop that! You're gonna hurt him!" _Amy_, Sam thought. She was something like a buddy to him but it wasn't really a friendship. Too bad actually. Jim let go of him and Sam fell on the floor. He coughed but tried to focus on what Jim would do next. Sam saw that Jim went to Amy and stared angry at her. Sam pushed himself up and Jim turned to him. "You protect him? Him?", Jim said to Amy and laughed. Then he talked to Sam. "No wonder that your Mom left, you're a burden!" That was too much for Sam. "You don't even know what happened!", Amy suddenly yelled. Sam ran to Jim and ounched him right in the face. Jim went down but got up again. Jim raised his hand but put it back down and looked to the door. Sam turned around and saw a teacher standing in the room. "What are you doing here?", the teacher asked. "Nothing", Jim answered. Suddenly Sam grabbed his bag and stormed out of the room. He ran out of the school and went to the motel. When he arrived there Sam fished a paper and a pen out of his bag and wrote a letter. To Dean. After that he threw his bag away and ran into the bathroom. He pulled out his knife and flipped it open. Sam put the knife slightly above his wrist and cut it. He felt a little pain but that wasn't enough for him. He cut again and cut deeper in his arm. Sam wanted to cut again but came closer to his wrists. He didn't care, actually he was glad about it. He ran out of steam. He didn't want to hunt, he wanted to see his Mom and he didn't want to deal with his problems at school. Sam just wanted it all to end. He put the knife tho his wrists and cut it lengthwise. He saw the blood stream. It became even more. Now Sam regretted his decision. He wanted to stand up to get a towel to stop the bleeding but when he stood up he passed out immediately. And the blood continued streaming.

"Crap!", Dean sweared quietly when he was in the Impala on his way back to the motel. He forgot something he borrowed from his boss but he wanted it back now. He turned into the parking lot and turned the engine off. Suddenly Dean had a funny feeling but didn't know why. He got out of the car and pulled the keys out of his pocket. When he came in and put the keys on the table he noticed the letter. Because his name was written on it he opened it and read it.

_Dean,_

_I know we don't say that but I want you to know that you are the most important person in my life and I love you._

_Sammy_

"Sam, you there?", Dean called and looked around. He was worried because Sam wouldn't write something like that without a reason. Suddenly Dean noticed that the bathroom door is locked. He knocked. "Sam, you in there?" Nothing. "Sam, I'm coming in, ok?" Again nothing. Dean picked the lock and entered the bathroom and what he saw shocked him. "SAM!"

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	6. Chapter 6

_So … here's chapter 6 :D Have fun … more or less ;/ And I just wanted to say __**RIP Paul Walker**__. It's very sad he died :(_

"Oh my God!", Dean said when he let himself drop next to Sam. He grasped a towel and wrapped it around Sam wrist. _Where's Dad if you need him_, Dean thought when he wanted to touch Sam's neck to feel his pulse. He was frightened when he felt how cold Sam already became. Dean felt Sam's pulse underneath his fingers. It was weak but at least it was there. Dean took off his jacket and put it on Sam to keep him warm. After that he ran in the living room where the phone was. He called 911 and after a few seconds, that were like an eternity to him, when someone finally answered the phone, Dean was as glad as never before to hear someone from a hospital. He told he woman at the other end of the phone what happend and where they are, hung up and ran back into the bathroom. Of course Dean kept his eyes glued to Sam when he made the phone call because he was afraid he could miss something. "Sammy, hey, can you hear me?", Dean asked and slapped Sam gently on his cheek. He tried to stifle the fear in his voice, what wasn't successful. Suddenly Dean heard a soft moan. It was Sam. "Hey, you hear me, Sam?", Dean asked worried. Sam turned his head to Dean and opened his eyes slowly. Sam's eyes were just a bit open but Dean could see Sam's hazel eyes nevertheless. "Dean?", Sam asked scarcely audible. "Yeah ... yeah it's me but don't talk, okay?", Dean answered quietly but relieved that Sam was conscious again. "Help is coming, Sammy. Hold on, okay?" Suddenly Sam's eyes closed. But they didn't open again. "Sam? Sam! No, no, no, stay with me, okay? Sammy, stay awake!", Dean screamed but Sam didn't even stir. He put his arms around Sam and a tear rolled down his cheek. Dean heard sirens at a distance. "Help will be here shortly, Sam", he whispered and held his brother tighter. Suddenly someone knocked on the door. "Hello, somebody in there?" "Yeah, we're here", Dean answered and ran to the door. "He's in the bathroom", he said after he opened the door. The paramedics examined Sam and put him on a stretcher. "You wanna coma with us?", one of the paramedics asked Dean. "Yeah", Dean answered without thinking about it.

Dean just called their father and told him that Sam is in the hospital. John didn't know why because Dean didn't want to tell him that on the phone. Dean sat on a chair in the ER when John stormed through the door. "What happened!?", John yelled furious. "I ... Sam ... he did ...", Dean stammered. He didn't know how to tell his Dad what happened.

"What, Dean?"

"Sam cut ... his wrists ..."

"HE DID WHAT!?"

"It's my fault, I didn't think he would do that again but I should have reckoned that ..."

"Again? He did this once already? How long?"

"Yeah ... for almost to weeks. He ... cut his forearm and and asked me not to tell you ...", Dean whispered.

"I'm his father you should have told me nevertheless!" John was still loud but not as loud as first.

"But you don't act like one!" Now it was Dean who was loud. "You didn't even care about his problems!"

John didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. Now Dean calmed down a bit. "Where were you anyway? Weren't you supposed to be at the motel? I mean, the hunt was finished, wasn't it?", Dean asked. "Yeah, I just went out to get some food", John said so quietly Dean almost didn't understand him. "Come on, let's sit down", he suggested and John and Dean sat down on the uncomfortable chairs in the ER.

Forty-five minutes later a doctor headed Dean's and John's way. "Family of Samuel Winchester?", he asked and looked at John and Dean. "Yeah, I'm John Winchester, his father, and this is Dean, my other son", John said and stood up to shake the doctors hand. Dean copied him. "I'm Dr. Peterson, Sam's attending physician", the doctor introduced himself. "How's Sam?", Dean asked concerned. "We gave him a blood transfusion because he lost to much blood. He's not conscious right now, but he's stable", the doctor replied. "Can we see him?", John asked Dr. Peterson but he just looked troubled at him. "Actually yes but ... I would like to talk to you for a second."  
"About what?", John asked surprised.

"About Sams other injuries. I know what he did but that wasn't the first time, was it?"

It was a statement, not a question, but John answered: "Yeah ... Dean told me that Sam ... cuts for almost two weeks."

"I suggest you should go to a psychologist. He probably won't stop that on his own."

"Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea ... Can we see Sam now?"

"Yeah, come with me I'll take you to him now", Dr. Peterson said and took John and Dean to Sams room.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

_So, here's the new chapter. Hope you like it ;) And happy birthday__khaysley!_

Dean sat next to Sam's bedwhile John was talking to the doctor outside. "I'm so sorry, Sammy", Dean whispered ant took Sam's hand. Sam's wrist was bandaged and he was cold and pale. So lifeless. But Dean knew Sam was alive. The steady beep that came from the machine Sam was connected to proved it. "I should have watched out for you", Dean said quietly, still holding his brothers hand. "I mean, what would have been if I wouldn't have come home earlier?" Dean knew, Sam wasn't going to answer, but he talked to him nevertheless. It calmed him down. And maybe Sam too, but Dean didn't know that for sure. Suddenly John came in. "Hey, why don't you get yourself a coffee or call your boss. Maybe he wants to know what is taking you so long. I'll look out for Sam", John said but Dean didn't even look at him.  
"No, I stay with Sammy, whether you like it or not."  
"That's not he point, I just don't want you to get into trouble with your boss."  
"Ok, but I'll be right back", Dean said and left the room. John sat down on the chair Dean just sat and took Sam's hand. He sighed. "Sam, I don't know what to do …" John thought back to the talk he had with Dr. Peterson.

_John wanted to enter Sam's room when the doctor hold him back. "Look, I'm worried about Sam. His issues are so big that he tried to take his own life. I don't want to rebuke you but how could you not notice this?"  
"I blame myself for that, you don't have to do this too!", John yelled upset.  
"I don't want to do this, but I will arrange a meeting with a psychologist."  
"But my son doesn't talk with me about his problems, just with Dean, but Dean didn't tell me what he talked about with Sam. I don't think he will talk about it with a stranger even if it's better for him."  
"But without a psychologist it will be harder for him to stop."  
"Yeah, I know ... Can I go in now?"  
"Yes, of course", Dr. Peterson said and John turned around and opened Sam's door._

When Dean came back in Sam's room he saw, that John had tears in his eyes. "You should put on another t-shirt, Dean." That's the only thing he said.  
"No, I won't leave Sammy again!"  
"But your shirt is covered in blood."  
"Yeah Dad, but it's Sammy's blood! He almost died today! Dad, he wanted to kill himself!" With every sentence he came closer to tears. "I don't know what I would have done if I haven't found him in time ..." Now tears began to stream down Dean's cheeks. John stood up and put his arm aroud Dean. "Hey, hey, it's ok. Everything's gonna be fine. Sam's gonna get better and then everything will be fine", John whispered. Dean let go of John and looked at his dad. "Could you give me some time alone with Sam?"  
"Yeah, I'm gonna get us a coffee."  
Dean nodded and sat down on the chair John sat a moment ago. He took Sam's hand again and when John left the room he spoke to Sam. "Sammy, please, you have to wake up, you can't leave me alone with Dad all the time." Dean wanted to speak on when heard a noice from Sam. Sam moved slightly and groaned. Dean squeezed Sam's hand a little more. "Sammy, open your eyes!" "Dean ...", Sam whispered. "Yeah, Sammy, it's me. Everything's fine", Dean tried to soothe him. Suddenly John came back into the room. "Dad, Sam woke up!", Dean said happily. "I'll get a nurse", John said and put the coffee down. A few minutes later, John came bach with a nurse. "Please leave the room for a while. I have to check on Sam." "What? No, I won't leave Sammy again!", Dean said upset. "Hey, Dean, let her do her job, we come back later", John tried to calm Dean down. Just when Dean and John were leaving, when Sam called for Dean. Even if it was a whisper Dean heard it nevertheless. "Dean ... Dean ... don't ... go ...", Sam said quietly. "Sammy, I'll be back later, don't worry. Just rest and let the nurse do her job", Dean said calmly and hoped to calm Sam too. Sam relaxed and Dean and John left the room. "I'm Hanna. Nice to see you finally awake", the nurse said with a smile. "I'm gonna check on you now, ok?" Sam nodded and waited for her to finish. "Everthing seems ok. How do you feel?" "Tired ... and my head swims ... and my arm hurts", Sam said quietly. "That's not surprising. I could give you something for the pain but the doctor is coming soon and he wants to talk to you", Hanna answered. Sam just nodded. "I let your family in now", Hanna said and left. A moment later Dean and John came back into the room. "Hey, Sammy, how are you?", Dean asked. "Tired ... hurts", Sam answered again. "It's nice to see you awake", John said who restrained himself until now. "I'm ... sorry ... Dad ...", Sam apologized. "You don't need to apologize, Sam. I am the one who should apologize. I should have watched out for you. I'm sorry", John said calmly. "But why didn't you talk to me?"  
Sam turned his head away. John sighed. "I go looking for the doctor." After that he left. Dean looked at Sam. "Dad's right, Sammy. We want to help you. You're not alone."  
"I'm sorry, Dean ... I should have pulled myself together ..."  
"Stop saying you're sorry. I should have watched out for you."  
Sam wanted to answer when John came back with Dr. Peterson. "Hello, Sam, I'm Dr. Peterson, your attending physician. It's good to see you awake. Hanna said you're in pain." Sam nodded. "I'll give you something for the pain but fist I want to talk to you", the doctor said and turned to John and Dean. "Alone." John nodded and left with a reluctantly Dean. Dr. Peterson looked at Sam again. "Sam, what's the last thing you remember?" Sam didn't answer. "Do you know why you're here?", the doctor asked now. "Yeah ... I think so ...", Sam answered but didn't look him in the eyes. Dr. Peterson noticed this. "Sam, a psychologist will come tomorrow. You can talk with him about everything."  
Sam looked shocked at Dr. Peterson. "What? B-But why? I mean ..." Sam didn't know what to say. "Sam, you need help. You probably won't stop on your own", the doctor said calmly. "I'll give you something for the pain and then I'll leave you alone." Sam nodded watched the doctor while he gave him some painkillers. "You'll get tired shortly so don't fight it, ok?" Sam nodded and the doctor left the room and Dean and John came back in again. The doctor was right. Sam was even more tired than before but the pain was almost gone. "Hey, did the doctor give you something?", Dean asked. "Mmm...", Sam mumbled. He noticed, that his eyelids got heavier. Dean seemed to notice that too. "Go to sleep, Sammy, I'll be here when you wake up", Deam said and that was the last thing Sam heard.

John sat down on a chair across from Dean. Sam was asleep and John was glad for that because he knew Sam wouldn't be in pain if he sleeps. Dean was stil holding Sam's hand. "I'll call Jim and tell him what hapened", John said and stood up. "You think we could visit him? Sam always liked him very much", Dean answered hopefully.  
"I'll ask him." Then John left the room. Dean thought about Sam's letter again. "I love you too, Sammy." Then he tried to relax in the uncomfortable chair and closed his eyes.

In front of the door John called Pastor Jim. "Hey, Jim, it's me, John."  
_"Hey, John, how are you?"_  
"I'm fine but I'm calling because of Sam."  
_"Did something happen? Is Sam alright?"_  
"Well ... He's in the hospital ..."  
_"What? What happened? Is he hurt?"_  
"He ... he tried to kill himself ..." Jim didn't answer. "Jim, you still there?"  
_"Yeah ... yeah, I'm here ... Why did he do it?"_  
"I ... I'm not sure ... Sam just woke up but he's asleep again."  
_"And Dean? Does he know anything?"_  
"I think so but he didn't tell me anything yet. I'll ask him later."  
_"You want me to come?"  
_"No, you don't need to come but we would like to come to you when Sam's discharged."  
_"Of course. I'll prepare everything. When will you come?"_  
"I don't know but I'll call you."  
_"Ok, I'll catch up with you later, John."_  
Ok. Bye, Jim", John said. After that he went back into Sam's room.

TBC


End file.
